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Day of Hope

8/19/2018

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Days like today are bittersweet, we had a laid-back Sunday, nothing incredibly pressing to take care of (other than a graduate project I'm still not done with that's due Friday), a little grocery shopping, some cleaning, a few added errands, and deciding we need to redo the shelves in the one kitchen cabinet because a canned item busted at some point and molded...gross...I know, but we never really used anything on that shelf, and so it happens, but anyway. We picked up and dropped off the littles as our usual routine, and throughout the day I've looked on Facebook and then decided to look at my memories to see this photo...

And then comes the bitterness, resentment, anger, self-hate, doubt, jealousy, and well just about every negative emotion one can feel. It was tearing me apart. My Nessa, the little girl that only lived and breathed inside me. The little girl I didn't know existed until she died. The child that made me a mother for the very first time. I wish I could say she was beautiful, that I remember every bit of her that night...but I can't. I was alone, scared, frustrated, destroyed, and wanted to run away from it all...and I did for over a decade, because I never believed life would bring me back to her father (who is now my husband), and would it even matter to him...when it was such a part of the distant past. Tonight, on this Day of Hope - I share my hopes for you, our sweet friends and family navigating the waters of grief. 


  • I hope you know that you are not alone.
  • I hope you know that it is not your fault - bad things happen to everyone, death does not discriminate, it does not show mercy...stop wondering the what ifs, and look for the what nows.
  • I hope you find meaning out of this tragedy...not today, probably not even tomorrow, or a year from now, but when the time is right.
  • I hope you hold onto the happiest of memories by sharing them with others.
  • There will be days where you won't want to get out of bed - I hope someone makes a surprise visit or calls to check on you.
  • When eating is the farthest thing from your mind - I hope someone brings you a meal.
  • As the to-do list grows and your motivation dwindles - I hope you find the will to keep moving forward.
  • The days you are emotionally overwhelmed - I hope you have created a space just for you to feel those emotions in their fullness.​
And lastly...I hope you have a tribe of women supporting you each day. If a pod of Orcas can gather together to support a grieving mother...us woman can too. The path we travel is one we must do on our own, but that does not mean others cannot walk beside us through it.

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Helping Those Who Helped Us

8/17/2018

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We made a post a few weeks ago celebrating our son's official discharge from outpatient Speech and Occupational Therapies after 8 WHOLE YEARS of weekly appointments at various facilities across the state. Of course we wanted to make a big deal out of this day, but we were a little bummed that his response was not nearly as excited as ours. You see...this is all he has ever known. His entire memory of his life involves therapy appointments. Plus, he still has these services in school, in addition to at home Cognitive Behavioral Therapy too...but he wanted to do something for the clinic and something for the kids that still have to go every week until they reach their discharge date too. So, we created a Facebook fundraiser to gather funds to purchase an Xbox 360 with the Kinect Sensor and games for the Kinect. In talking with his occupational therapist, and then seeing the cost of the items, we were actually able to collect enough funds to purchase two consoles and sensors (and all the parts and pieces), in addition to the games, as the clinic is expanding and will have additional rooms to offer. He was so excited to raise the money and be able to do something that brings something kids love to inside the therapy setting as well.   

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The other thing we did was collect some of my remnant fabrics, and pieces that were smaller than what we usually need for gowns, or we just have so much of for gowns and donated it to Sharing the Weight. Many years ago we received a weighted blanket from Angel Love Boxes, but like many organizations do to the overwhelming response and not enough funding, they closed their doors. He outgrew that weighted blanket a couple years ago, but we held onto it until we could either afford one or find another organization that made them at a reduced costs, which is how we found Sharing the Weight. I had forgotten I even submitted for him when an e-mail came through asking to confirm if we needed one, and that our number would be up soon to choose a pattern. I was ecstatic over this news, and he picked out this bear print! We covered the shipping costs and then paid it forward by randomly drawing a name from our Facebook post offering it up. 

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We sent fabric for at least 20 weighted blankets to be made for other children on their wait list. I am not sure how much they need for each size, so my fingers are crossed that more than one may come from some of the fabrics. I hope the children who receive the blankets made from these prints feel the same benefits from their blanket as David does...it is the one thing he has to have at night besides his momo.

Thank you to all our therapists at Fox Speech Therapy, UVA Children's Hospital, Spotsylvania Regional Medical Center, and Children's Hospital of Richmond (in Fredericksburg)...without each of you, this amazing little of mine would not be the young man he is becoming. Because of you we had hope, we never gave up (even on the hardest of days), we kept moving - though sometimes it was backwards, we learned how to work with him, how to help him, how to understand the world as he sees it...and were able to teach him to see himself for more than his diagnosis. I am forever in your debt.

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